Quick recap for those who don’t know or quite remember. In a study at Stanford in 1972, kids were sat down and presented with a marshmallow. They were told if they could control their impulse to eat the marshmallow and wait till the researcher came back, they’d be rewarded with two marshmallows. Some kids didn't wait and ate the first one. Some kids waited and got two.
Then, 10 years later, they checked back in on the kids, now more grown up. The kids who had waited were to a large degree more successful. That’s roughly it.
Because of that, a whole generation came to believe that impulse control and delayed gratification were good. Which is fine. My issue is the additional belief that came with it, that having no impulse control and not waiting was bad.
So delayed gratification is good, and acting on impulse is bad. That’s good news for the kids who naturally waited. But what about the ones who ate the first one? Now they’re being lead to believe that they’re wrong for doing that. That thinking differently is wrong and they should be more like the other kids. “Sorry I was so impulsive.”
We’re allowed to think differently.
And moreover, I question how we measure success. Or the idea that there is one measure of success. While I might want to measure success by mental health, and were the kids more content and happy in their lives, or even by creativity, or empathy and caring for others, that’s not how most things are measured.
The results showed better SATs, better jobs, which is often our bar for success: how much money do they make now? Is a CEO, by definition, more successful than the people working under them? Yes. Even if the CEO is stressed out and hates life, and the people underneath are content and enjoy their jobs? By the way we often define success, still a yes.
Different people have different measures of what defines success. And we’re allowed to think differently.
What’s my point? As usual, it’s just a rant around the idea that there’s a right way and a wrong way to think. Just want to get it out there in case there are still parents wanting their kids to be different than they are, or adults thinking they should think the way those “successful” people think, and not feeling worthy or enough until they do.
Not sure if I said this yet, but we’re allowed to think differently. If you’re impulsive, great! If you naturally delay gratification, great! The world needs different people, and different perspectives.
What the world might not need as much, is studies telling us how we “should” think.
Like this article? Share it with friends. Don’t like it? That’s cool. You’re allowed to think that, too!