Even perfectionists need to give themselves some leniency the first time they try something new. First time you ever sit down at a piano, the expectation can’t be that you instantly play a perfect concerto. Second time, yes, obviously you should be concert-ready, but first time?! There’s gotta be some “First Time Forgiveness.”
Now, keep FTF in mind when I say, every single conversation you have in life, you’re having for the first time. Even conversations you feel like you’re having for the 100th time, it’s never happened in this exact context, with these exact words. Some part of it is always new.
Everything we do has some degree of newness. Some percentage of it is happening for the first time. And the percentage that’s happening for the first time needs to come with FTF.
Let’s say you go to your first improv class. Congrats, btw. And you and the class play the improv game where each person takes a turn adding one word to the story. Afterwards, you think, “That was hilarious, improv is amazing, and the story was fun, but wasn’t… perfect.” But hey, it’s your first time ever, so you can’t be too hard on yourself.
Then you play the same game again, but this time going in reverse order of the class. Second time, so you gotta think you’ll be better than the first time, but technically it is your first time going in this order.
Then you play it again, but this time in teams of two. Third time overall, but first time in pairs.
It could be your 100th time playing it, and something will always be different, new, the first time.
So when it doesn’t go perfectly (because things don’t, and that wouldn’t be as fun anyway) and you want to judge yourself, you have to factor in FTF. Instead of beating yourself up thinking, “I should be 100% great at this by now,” think, “I should be 80% great at this by now. But I should also go 20% easy on myself because it’s the first time playing it with these people, in this order, with this instructor, in these shoes… (or whatever is new this time).”
If there’s anything you’re being hard on yourself about right now, take a moment to think about what percentage was new/different this time. “I’ve done this presentation a thousand times… but never at this venue.” “I’ve met new people before… but never this person.” “I’ve done backflips plenty of times… but not usually with the whole office watching… anyway, here goes!”
Even if it’s only 1% different. Give yourself that 1% forgiveness for not being perfect. After all, you can’t be expected to be perfect, you’re living this exact moment for literally the first time.
5 Things To Love About Online Improv
Having taught Improv for Anxiety classes in person for so many years, I’ll admit I was a little sceptical about moving them online. Scared, even. I hated the idea. It was going to suck for sure.
But, like I’ve told my students hundreds of times, “Yes!” Be open to the idea, accept that improv is going online, and move forward. So I did. And you know what? It didn’t suck as much as I thought it would. In fact, I’ve seen some real benefits.
1) Commute time
Honestly, it’s just so much easier and quicker to get to class now. Oh, I have class in one minute? Guess I should change out of my pyjamas.
We had a student mention last class that sometimes they had to work late, and the travel time would make them late so they wouldn’t go. Now it’s pretty much switching Zoom meetings.
Also, getting to that first improv class is the scariest part for a lot of people. Now you can put off going to class till literally the last minute.
(Also works at the end of class, where any potential for awkward chit chat is thwarted by a simple “Leave Meeting.”)
2) No hygiene requirements
Listen, I’ll be honest here, I’m not showering as much as I was when things were opened up. On top of that, I’ve really been going heavy on the garlic dishes. Could be for medicinal purposes, or maybe I’ve been eating so much of it that it takes more for me to taste it. The point is, I smell. And you know, you won’t know that. Unless I use some sort of “stink lines” filter, which I still haven’t figured out how to use.
Just rolled out of bed? Welcome to class.
Just stress sweated your way through a marathon of meetings? Welcome to class.
Just got sprayed by a skunk while tarring your roof and changing your baby’s diaper? Be careful, and welcome to class.
3) Comfortable environment
Things that are new can feel scary. If you sign up for a class, you’re trying something new, with new people, but now it’s not also at a new place. You’re doing it from the comfort of your own home.
Which also means bathroom access. Don't know about you, but when I get nervous, I feel like I need to pee. And knowing the toilet is close by, and available, actually helps me need to pee less.
4) It’s international!
Not only is there no commute time, there’s no commute distance. An improv class in Toronto used to have mostly people from Toronto. Or the occasional person who drove in from Oakville. Not anymore. Our last drop-in had people from all over the States, England, Mexico, and even a couple from Australia (which is further than Oakville).
5) The laughs
My fear was that online improv would be a lesser version of in-class improv. I was focused on what would suck about it, instead of what’s great. Which is that it exists. It can happen anywhere, anytime. In a time when we could all use a laugh or two, online improv provides that.
It’s great to laugh. How could I have ever questioned that?
And now if you’ll excuse me, I could probably use a shower.