Even perfectionists need to give themselves some leniency the first time they try something new. First time you ever sit down at a piano, the expectation can’t be that you instantly play a perfect concerto. Second time, yes, obviously you should be concert-ready, but first time?! There’s gotta be some “First Time Forgiveness.”
Now, keep FTF in mind when I say, every single conversation you have in life, you’re having for the first time. Even conversations you feel like you’re having for the 100th time, it’s never happened in this exact context, with these exact words. Some part of it is always new.
Everything we do has some degree of newness. Some percentage of it is happening for the first time. And the percentage that’s happening for the first time needs to come with FTF.
Let’s say you go to your first improv class. Congrats, btw. And you and the class play the improv game where each person takes a turn adding one word to the story. Afterwards, you think, “That was hilarious, improv is amazing, and the story was fun, but wasn’t… perfect.” But hey, it’s your first time ever, so you can’t be too hard on yourself.
Then you play the same game again, but this time going in reverse order of the class. Second time, so you gotta think you’ll be better than the first time, but technically it is your first time going in this order.
Then you play it again, but this time in teams of two. Third time overall, but first time in pairs.
It could be your 100th time playing it, and something will always be different, new, the first time.
So when it doesn’t go perfectly (because things don’t, and that wouldn’t be as fun anyway) and you want to judge yourself, you have to factor in FTF. Instead of beating yourself up thinking, “I should be 100% great at this by now,” think, “I should be 80% great at this by now. But I should also go 20% easy on myself because it’s the first time playing it with these people, in this order, with this instructor, in these shoes… (or whatever is new this time).”
If there’s anything you’re being hard on yourself about right now, take a moment to think about what percentage was new/different this time. “I’ve done this presentation a thousand times… but never at this venue.” “I’ve met new people before… but never this person.” “I’ve done backflips plenty of times… but not usually with the whole office watching… anyway, here goes!”
Even if it’s only 1% different. Give yourself that 1% forgiveness for not being perfect. After all, you can’t be expected to be perfect, you’re living this exact moment for literally the first time.